


Scars To Your Beautiful

by RegallyWickedThirteen



Series: OQ Prompt Party 2018 [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, F/M, Self Harm, missing year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 19:06:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14026773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RegallyWickedThirteen/pseuds/RegallyWickedThirteen
Summary: Collection of stories and Drabbles for OQ Prompt Party 2018.Individual prompts included in the chapters.





	Scars To Your Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> Scars to your Beautiful. 
> 
> Prompt #28 Regina self harms and Robin comforts her. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR SELF HARM, DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY.   
> Set in the missing year, Regina misses Henry too much. She can’t take it anymore. Instead of trying to take a sleeping curse, she cuts herself. Robin convinces her to fight. 
> 
> Thank you to Lisa (cruellasdarling) for being an amazing beta  
> I really don’t know how I feel about this. I really struggled to articulate my internal thoughts/feelings so I hope that it reads ok.

Set in the missing year, Regina misses Henry too much. She can’t take it anymore. Instead of trying to take a sleeping curse, she cuts herself. Robin convinces her to fight. 

I really don’t know how I feel about this. I really struggled to articulate my internal thoughts/feelings so I hope that it reads ok. 

///

The Enchanted Forest. There was nothing enchanting about it, for some it may be a home, but for her it was a reminder of everything she’d tried to forget, move on from. This castle was her prison. It was too cold. Too empty.Too big. She hated how outside of these grounds you could be anyone. Live the life you always wanted- it wouldn’t be easy, but at least it would be your own. Sure there would be girls that dreamed of ballgowns and being a princess, but it was never her dream, it was her nightmare.

They needed a Queen, so that’s the part she would play, she just wasn’t sure she could. She’d never really been the Queen, but that mask seemed even more uncomfortable now. 

Maybe she did deserve the Evil moniker, she had after all torched villages, murdered too many people- crushing their hearts in front of their families. 

Everything has a price. Hers was the unimaginable pain, the constant ache in her heart. Every tear burned her skin. 

She grabbed the broach. It was something she had used ever since she was a little girl. When it all got a little too much. That way if mother, or in some cases the Charmings and the others, asked then she could brush it off as a scratch. Not that she was going to make it obvious. Flicking the broach open so the needle was open she took a deep breath before bringing it to her wrist. She felt the scratch, the brief sting of pain turning into a split second of relief. It wasn’t enough. Nothing would ever be enough. 

//  
Robin had heard many stories about the great and terrible Evil Queen and though he had only known her a couple of hours he thought the title greatly undeserved, bold and audacious certainly but not evil. There was something else though, something more, a pain, a sadness that made him want to know her, the real her. 

That fucking creature had tried to kill his son. He didn’t see the winged beast until too late. In that moment he could have sworn time stopped. He isn’t sure what happened. Just that the Queen had swooped Roland out the way and turned the creature into a harmless toy. He owed the Queen so much- “Thank you” he whispered, it wasn’t enough but it would have to suffice.

The Queen withdrew after that. There was no sassy comments, no power walk. He had promised not to get in her way but he couldn’t stand back and see her hurting. 

He followed her that night and as soon as he saw the broach scratch the surface of the skin he knew the likelihood of her throwing a fireball at his face was strong as he cleared his throat. 

“Milady”

That bloody thief. He didn’t know the meaning of privacy apparently.

“I thought I told you not to get in my way”

“I know and I’m sorry but I can’t let you do this.”

“You aren’t doing anything except from leaving. Now”

“It’s about your son isn’t it?”

“How did you know about Henry” she asked, scared and vulnerable. She just wanted to get this over with and the thief was just making it harder. 

“Your eyes, Milady. You hide behind a mask, an armour, the sarcastic quips, the ornate clothes, a practiced smile. It works most of the time, but your eyes tell a different story. They tell a story of loss and regret but also pride. They are the eyes of someone who has overcome so much. Who grew up in a world without love, raised their child in a word full of hatred, of mistrust, of anger to be a better person. You have the eyes of a mother who has loved and lost, but would do anything for their child. 

She couldn’t stop the tears now and she hated him for it. If she hadn’t changed he would have been burnt to a crisp by now. She wanted, needed to be strong. She needed it all to end, because she was too tired of fighting, of picking herself back up just to get knocked back down again. 

“You don’t understand. He was - he is my life. The boy with a mop of brown hair. The baby who filled a void in my heart. The baby who wouldn’t stop crying, who drove me insane with worry, but whom I loved more than anything I have ever loved before. The little boy whose first word was fox of all things. We were driving back from somewhere and one came out of the woods and he squealed fox. The first time it was just shy of his first birthday,   
he walked he was just under 2 years old it was a few tentative steps- he wanted food, and it melted my heart. He was seven when got his first comic- it was an Archie Comic- like Doctor Hopper, Road to Riverdale I think it was.” 

Robin wasn’t really sure what a comic was, but knew that now wasn’t the time to ask. 

“When he was ten I thought I’d lost him. I thought I had failed, that he ran off because of me, because he thought I was evil. I had never hated myself more. I pushed him away. I blamed Miss Swan then, it was all I could do but it didn’t change anything. He was in the hospital bed- dead because I was too stubborn, too caught up on revenge. I killed my own son. The only thing that was truly good in my life. He forgave me and fought for my happiness because he has the heart of the truest believer and he believed in me. He is brave and strong and smart. He’s my son. My little prince. For the past 30 years he is the reason that he got out of bed. The reason I fought everything. The reason I thought maybe one day I could be happy. Now he’s gone. Forever. He doesn’t remember me. I’m a character in a book. The Evil Queen. So I know you don’t agree with me. I know you’re only trying to help but I have to do this, for me.

Robin wanted to reach out and comfort her, to hug her. He knew that it would probably have her running to the hills so instead he took a deep breath and looked into her eyes and said. 

“I won’t say I understand completely because I know you won’t believe me. I do know what it’s like to feel like to have no one. To feel completely alone. To be in a place where it feels like nothing can last. I lost my wife, and she was my everything. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I couldn’t go on. I know you won’t want to hear this and I’m sorry but I had Roland and he forced me through it. I was strong for him. We all get a second chance Regina. We just have to open our eyes to see it. 

“Robin I will never forget meeting you, but I can’t keep my eyes open, I’ve seen too much.”

“You’ve seen so much, you’ve been through so much and a weaker person would have crumbled long ago, but you’re still here, still fighting. That has to mean something. You live for Henry. That doesn’t have to change. He’s not here physically and I can’t imagine how hard that is, but he’s still with you, will always be in your heart. Life is shit. It kicks you down over and over again. Giving up would be easy. You’ve never followed the easy route. This too shall pass, Regina. You taught a young man to speak, to smile, to walk, to love through the darkness. If Henry were here he wouldn’t let you give up on yourself. If he’s anything like Roland he’d come up with some ridiculous Operation to try and fix everything. You are the author of your own fate Regina, don’t give up now” 

During his speech Regina had moved closer to him and nestled her head against his shoulder and Robin couldn’t help but be overcome by emotions. She trusted him, listened to him. He just hoped it would be enough. 

There is silence for a while, it’s not awkward but it’s not comfortable either. They both need a moment, their relationship has fundamentally changed but neither of them really knows how. 

“Forgive me for asking this, and please do not answer if you don’t want to, but why do you do it? I can see you miss Henry terribly, but why cut?”

Regina wants to roll her eyes, it isn’t a joke, but she looks at him and sees he’s not doing it to mock her; he’s doing it because he wants to understand her. He wants to help her, not in a white knight on a steed way, but as a parent and she finds she can’t deny him this so she takes a deep breath and turns away from him. She’ll tell him, but she doesn’t want to see his reaction, she’s not sure if she could take it

“Close your eyes. You’re at a beach, blindfolded. You walk towards the water and you keep walking even though you don’t know where you are, just that you’re going deeper. That’s what it’s like to cut. You don’t know where you’re going, or really why you’re doing it. Depression. Life. Fate. Your own insecurities blind you. All you know is that you keep going deeper and deeper until your trapped, till you’re drowning. You need to get out then, want to get out. You just can’t. Then somehow you take a deep breath and splutter. You can breathe just about. You’re not safe, but there’s a moment of relief. That moment of relief when you feel good enough. When you’re insecurities don’t matter anymore. Where you feel alive even though every part of you aches. That’s what it feels like to cut. Everything that was going on you head doesn’t matter anymore. Afterwards it makes me feel ugly, stupid, disgusting but in that moment it makes me feel free.”

Robin wills himself not to cry. It won’t help. He just can’t believe that this incredibly gorgeous woman cannot see how beautiful and strong she is. “Thank you for telling me that. I think I understand it more now. I used to get the feeling from stealing, that moment where I felt like I could fix something, where I didn’t feel broken. I want you to know I’ll be here to listen to you whenever you need to, or if you need space that’s fine but just don’t give up. Not today.” 

Regina smiles, and its genuine, “Thank you. For listening and not judging, for noticing I have never been good at going to people for help. I’m even less used to talking to people about my emotions. I’ll try though.”

Regina sought Robin out every day for the next two weeks. Sometimes they would play hide and seek with Roland, letting the little boy win of course. Other times Robin would try to teach her archery until she stormed off, huffing and puffing, because try as she might she just didn’t have great aim. She would tell him little things, another story about Henry. A dream she’d had the night before. She began to smile more. She was struggling, he could tell that, but she would get through this. They would get through this. Together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and please let me know what you thought. C x


End file.
